Feel so sorry, baby I'm so sorry - 杜德伟

The things I am doing are deem to be cruel. Quite frankly, I do not know if I have better ways of handling it.
I only know that every next step could be wrong, could change everything that I have now. Yet I do not want to pretend. I do not think I would be any happier if things go on further pretending or in other word - Denial.

Selfishly...I do not want to lose this vulnerable bit of courage I summed up for myself. I could easily give in to loneliness, to the comfort of having someone there, the embrace of unconditional love for me. But I find it hard to live on when I know I could so easily make things unhappy and not reciprocate the things I am given.
I had try so hard to catch up, to be happy but I know deep inside, alot comes from efforts.
Since when..happiness is something that you have to try to work on it?

I wanna see where can this leads me to...eventually.
I hope you can make things easier for me. You have to trust me that even if I seem cruel now, I am only doing it so it won't drags on and eventually it could be worse.

Nonetheless...I guess no amount of 'sorry's can make up for the way you could be feeling now.
I ain't any better but I am pushing myself to move forward.

I hope things will be better in time to come.